I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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