I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
