Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
