Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
