Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
