YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
