I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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