Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
