what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
