Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
