O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
