Whod you bang
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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