Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
