I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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