First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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