Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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