I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
