she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
