Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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