dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
