And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
