Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
