she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
