I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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