he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
