I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
