I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
