bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
