And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
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Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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