You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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