so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
