Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
