Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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