Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
