he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
