if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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