fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
