your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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