I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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