K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
