i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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