Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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