hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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