YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
