I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
