she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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