So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Damn victory sex feels great
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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