Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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