I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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