There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
