He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Success! We fucked roommates!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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