when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
