I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
