make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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