It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
