i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
