Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
COCAINE IS GR8
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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