you traded sex for a burrito?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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