Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
