So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You need Xanax blowdarts
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
