my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
