the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if only i could text you this smell
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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