dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
