"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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