Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
