Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
