This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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