Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
