Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
