I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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