Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize