Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
