Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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