im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
