1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
