There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
