All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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